Celebrity Big Brother Dares

I always feel robbed when the episode is amalgamated with bits of the previous nights live feed, and feel as though im repeating myself, but we did see some glimpses of Big Brothers genius last night, the reasons we love it so much, the dares. Each contestant having to man up and outdo each other, each task testing there humility, each dare utterly beautiful.

The show began with some beautiful words by the now tame and retiring Coolio, is he playing a game or has the removal of his enemies just calmed him down? We joined him in the diary room where BB grilled him about who he believed deserved to win the competition. He kept true to his American treaty and talked majestically about how, ‘Latyoa had become a butterfly, but she already was a butterfly and then she went into another cocoon and now she is another beautiful butterfly and Verne he to is a butterfly too and definitely not a cocoon, no he is a mosquito, actually a dragonfly cos they’re beautiful too” Either Coolio has smuggled some drugs in or we need to smuggle some in for him!!

The house mates must of sensed that it was Latoya’s last night because they chose to grill her on Wacko’s songs, what is dirty Diana about? and Billie Jean? Coolio seems to thing he will get to meet Janet and Mike and maybe even Tito who he used to be when they played Jackson 5. What? He played Jackson 5? What did that game entail, did his parents work him to the bone whilst making loads of money off it?

Turns out Coolio had been invited to neverland once but his car broke down and he couldn’t make it, more scarily Verne too had been invited!? Wonder why he chose not to go? Wise boy, I mean, man. Tommy also grilled poor Latoya about neverland and the rumours that Michael Jackson could no longer afford to keep it? Latoya seemed angered by all this in a typical Latoya way, so much so that you could nearly tell, but she did reveal that Jacko hadn’t been back to the ranch since his trial for accused child molestation.

Then it was into the dares, the bulk of the show. Big Brother revealed that for each dare completed the celebrities would win a token, and for each dare taken and not completed the contestant would be sent to jail. The celebs had to decide when and who would do the dares, with only Ulrika moaning about the potential embarrassment factor, asking ”Is no-one else nervous?” It fell upon fellow Manc Terry to step up to the plate as the other house mates didn’t exactly jump at the chance to do the first dare. Terry was sent into a room where a twenty odd stone man who had been sat on a exercise bike riding proffered his armpit. Terry had to lick it, rank, making him gag, as Ulrika claimed ”I’d of done that…That was easy, I’ll get a horrible one, bet you” then claiming Terry didn’t lick it, he just sniffed it, Fuck off Ulrika, seriously you are a nob.

The 2nd dare was just wrong, making a Jackson, pop royalty become a window licker, licking gentlemen’s relish was heinously wrong, yet slightly erotic, especially for Coolio as she described the taste and consistency, ”It’s so thick and salty” all wrong! But fair play to Latoya, nuff respect, once again she boshed of her task like everyone of them she was given, a truly beautiful cocoon like butterfly display.

Coolio and Verne had fairly easy tasks, Coolio dipping himself in a bath of soup and Verne blowing a balloon until it burst, Coolio needs to get used to these sort of stupid tasks for when him and Terry are presenting the Word. Coolio was a bit of a drama queen, and moaned he always gets the worst task. BB using the opportunity to make him look a prick by dressing him up in an awful swim suit. But then he showed us again that he is not just a gun shooting, hoe hollaring, G, as the rest of the house mates giggled at Verne whilst he attempted to blow up his Balloon it was only Coolio who offered to help him. Vote Coolio. Ulrika’s task was so lame we didn’t even get to watch it. Don’t Vote Ulrika.

Then came Adams, before he was called Coolio quizzed him whether he, ”Would eat fried dog penis?” Ben claiming it depended on how big it was. His actual task saw him having to kiss an old woman for five seconds on the lips, when he was told Ben, the legend, asked whether she was fit!? causing Coolio to scream at the big screen what surely everyone is feeling, ”I fucking hate that guy, cos he’s all nice and shit” and then after Ben thanked the old lady for the kiss, Coolio reiterated ‘I fucking hate him.” Funny, the other house mates presuming he was joking but he blatantly meant every word.

Tommy was last and having to down three shots of slush in under a minute, he suffered with brain freeze, a phenomena that seemed to be incomprehensible for Terry, as Ulrika patronised him, saying, ”We couldn’t afford Ice Cream” again accusing Terry of playing on his working class hero status, she’s such a vile person. Inevitably Tommy was sent to jail and not for the first time, but he got a slamming sleeping suit out of it!! That was mint. Check this shit out! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lippi-Wearable-Sleeping-Version-GREEN-LARGE/dp/B001GCOEGC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=sports&qid=1232709181&sr=8-1

Just before Latoya was evicted Big Brother grilled her about her time in the house and she mentioned that how at the start every morning leaving her room was a challenge and that it scared her, mental how much she tested herself and she believes it has changed her for life, stuff like washing the dishes and clothes, stuff that she had in the past had other people do for her. Wow its great to see that BB can have a positive effect on peoples lives, and when asked whether she would clean her socks in the future when leaving the house she said, ‘no’ after a weird pause, so no change actually then, right, okay. When she was evicted it was nice to see Ulrika’s compassionate side re-emerge as Latoya headed for the door she shouted after her, ”If you see my husband tell him I love him” so selfless. As Verne claimed he thought she would win Ulrika was quick to say she didn’t.

Next to go was Tommy, and probably for the best as the male bonding was verging on homosexuality in that house, as he left Verne thanked him while Terry and Coolio complimented his exit outfit, abstractly Ulrika listened to the crowd reaction and practically came when they booed, considering they had been at loggerheads on a few occasions it boded well for her, something tells me Ulrika thinks she is going to win this show, and someone best prove me wrong.

After a few drinks Verne was bombing round the living quarters trying to run people down, standard, while Ulrika talked of her pride at being the last woman standing in the diary room, it was at this moment Coolio decided to grab Verne alone and plant the seed of hatred. With a drunk Verne at his mercy Coolio told him that Ulrika was well happy at Latoya being voted off. The show ended at that point but will Coolio enrage the ”mad dwarf” and leave tonight’s viewing with a little bit of bite.

Ulrika to win.