Celebrity Big Brother Dares

I always feel robbed when the episode is amalgamated with bits of the previous nights live feed, and feel as though im repeating myself, but we did see some glimpses of Big Brothers genius last night, the reasons we love it so much, the dares. Each contestant having to man up and outdo each other, each task testing there humility, each dare utterly beautiful.

The show began with some beautiful words by the now tame and retiring Coolio, is he playing a game or has the removal of his enemies just calmed him down? We joined him in the diary room where BB grilled him about who he believed deserved to win the competition. He kept true to his American treaty and talked majestically about how, ‘Latyoa had become a butterfly, but she already was a butterfly and then she went into another cocoon and now she is another beautiful butterfly and Verne he to is a butterfly too and definitely not a cocoon, no he is a mosquito, actually a dragonfly cos they’re beautiful too” Either Coolio has smuggled some drugs in or we need to smuggle some in for him!!

The house mates must of sensed that it was Latoya’s last night because they chose to grill her on Wacko’s songs, what is dirty Diana about? and Billie Jean? Coolio seems to thing he will get to meet Janet and Mike and maybe even Tito who he used to be when they played Jackson 5. What? He played Jackson 5? What did that game entail, did his parents work him to the bone whilst making loads of money off it?

Turns out Coolio had been invited to neverland once but his car broke down and he couldn’t make it, more scarily Verne too had been invited!? Wonder why he chose not to go? Wise boy, I mean, man. Tommy also grilled poor Latoya about neverland and the rumours that Michael Jackson could no longer afford to keep it? Latoya seemed angered by all this in a typical Latoya way, so much so that you could nearly tell, but she did reveal that Jacko hadn’t been back to the ranch since his trial for accused child molestation.

Then it was into the dares, the bulk of the show. Big Brother revealed that for each dare completed the celebrities would win a token, and for each dare taken and not completed the contestant would be sent to jail. The celebs had to decide when and who would do the dares, with only Ulrika moaning about the potential embarrassment factor, asking ”Is no-one else nervous?” It fell upon fellow Manc Terry to step up to the plate as the other house mates didn’t exactly jump at the chance to do the first dare. Terry was sent into a room where a twenty odd stone man who had been sat on a exercise bike riding proffered his armpit. Terry had to lick it, rank, making him gag, as Ulrika claimed ”I’d of done that…That was easy, I’ll get a horrible one, bet you” then claiming Terry didn’t lick it, he just sniffed it, Fuck off Ulrika, seriously you are a nob.

The 2nd dare was just wrong, making a Jackson, pop royalty become a window licker, licking gentlemen’s relish was heinously wrong, yet slightly erotic, especially for Coolio as she described the taste and consistency, ”It’s so thick and salty” all wrong! But fair play to Latoya, nuff respect, once again she boshed of her task like everyone of them she was given, a truly beautiful cocoon like butterfly display.

Coolio and Verne had fairly easy tasks, Coolio dipping himself in a bath of soup and Verne blowing a balloon until it burst, Coolio needs to get used to these sort of stupid tasks for when him and Terry are presenting the Word. Coolio was a bit of a drama queen, and moaned he always gets the worst task. BB using the opportunity to make him look a prick by dressing him up in an awful swim suit. But then he showed us again that he is not just a gun shooting, hoe hollaring, G, as the rest of the house mates giggled at Verne whilst he attempted to blow up his Balloon it was only Coolio who offered to help him. Vote Coolio. Ulrika’s task was so lame we didn’t even get to watch it. Don’t Vote Ulrika.

Then came Adams, before he was called Coolio quizzed him whether he, ”Would eat fried dog penis?” Ben claiming it depended on how big it was. His actual task saw him having to kiss an old woman for five seconds on the lips, when he was told Ben, the legend, asked whether she was fit!? causing Coolio to scream at the big screen what surely everyone is feeling, ”I fucking hate that guy, cos he’s all nice and shit” and then after Ben thanked the old lady for the kiss, Coolio reiterated ‘I fucking hate him.” Funny, the other house mates presuming he was joking but he blatantly meant every word.

Tommy was last and having to down three shots of slush in under a minute, he suffered with brain freeze, a phenomena that seemed to be incomprehensible for Terry, as Ulrika patronised him, saying, ”We couldn’t afford Ice Cream” again accusing Terry of playing on his working class hero status, she’s such a vile person. Inevitably Tommy was sent to jail and not for the first time, but he got a slamming sleeping suit out of it!! That was mint. Check this shit out! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lippi-Wearable-Sleeping-Version-GREEN-LARGE/dp/B001GCOEGC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=sports&qid=1232709181&sr=8-1

Just before Latoya was evicted Big Brother grilled her about her time in the house and she mentioned that how at the start every morning leaving her room was a challenge and that it scared her, mental how much she tested herself and she believes it has changed her for life, stuff like washing the dishes and clothes, stuff that she had in the past had other people do for her. Wow its great to see that BB can have a positive effect on peoples lives, and when asked whether she would clean her socks in the future when leaving the house she said, ‘no’ after a weird pause, so no change actually then, right, okay. When she was evicted it was nice to see Ulrika’s compassionate side re-emerge as Latoya headed for the door she shouted after her, ”If you see my husband tell him I love him” so selfless. As Verne claimed he thought she would win Ulrika was quick to say she didn’t.

Next to go was Tommy, and probably for the best as the male bonding was verging on homosexuality in that house, as he left Verne thanked him while Terry and Coolio complimented his exit outfit, abstractly Ulrika listened to the crowd reaction and practically came when they booed, considering they had been at loggerheads on a few occasions it boded well for her, something tells me Ulrika thinks she is going to win this show, and someone best prove me wrong.

After a few drinks Verne was bombing round the living quarters trying to run people down, standard, while Ulrika talked of her pride at being the last woman standing in the diary room, it was at this moment Coolio decided to grab Verne alone and plant the seed of hatred. With a drunk Verne at his mercy Coolio told him that Ulrika was well happy at Latoya being voted off. The show ended at that point but will Coolio enrage the ”mad dwarf” and leave tonight’s viewing with a little bit of bite.

Ulrika to win.

Celeb Big Brother - The Movie

Yesterday’s task saw Big Brother challenge the housemates to film, direct and star in the very first Big Brother - The Movie.

Verne nearly missed the announcement after the Chili eating exploits from the night before, forced him to make an extra special long trip to the crapper.

What he didn’t need, after first having Coolio knock on the door to hurry him along was for petite lady Latoya quietly whispering through the door as to Vernes progress or his eta - estimated turd arrival

Anyways poor Verne emerged to a room full of giggling housemates and Coolio’s ever so discreet bellow ” want some ice for that!” But within only a matter on seconds poor Verne sped off at high speed, on his buggy, as another session of red hot chili ‘toilet’ peppering was imminent!

Probably the quote of the day was from Michelle Heaton on Verne’s marathon shitting session, who tactlessly blurted out:

“Who would have thought, he’d have that much shit in him?!”

She did however redeem this thoughtless quip with a very insightful prediction that as they’d be all dressed up for the fake premier viewing of the Celebrity Big Brother Movie that it would be interrupted mid way through by Davina and a surprise eviction! Spot on, now get your coat!

Back to the task and on Verne’s arrival back from the rest room he was immediately voted to be the Director of Big Brother the Movie.
So with video camera perched skillfully on his legs he began filming each housemate entering the big brother house.
Most of which was fairly uneventful bar the fact that Ulrika had a sly dig AGAIN at Terry’s branding of her as being the housemate with the biggest ego and faked a weird limp as if she was struggling to carry it.
This was the first indication that Ulrika had possibly slumped out of the wrong side of the bed.

It didn’t stop there as next was when Big Brother gave her a mini task whereby she could only speak in Swedish until Big Brother said otherwise and she immediately took advantage of this and was translated as saying “good I hate all of you!”

Followed up by an interview later on in the Diary Room. Where she stated that she didn’t think she should be there anymore and that the house dynamics had changed! Which to me translated as she doesn’t like any of the remaining housemates.

Anyway back to the Movie and each person had to prance about filling in their part in the Big Brother story so far, making a point of re-enacting any key flash points of their time in the house so far.
Which obviously involved some of the housemates having to step in and play the part of their now former housemates. (Tina, Mutya and Lucy)

Terry’s impression of Tina ffing and jeffin went down a storm with the on looking and laughing celebs (with a large cushion under his jumper, not the nicest of ways to portray your friend now was it Terry)

Then when a scene came about, which required a body double for Mutya, the housemates took the unusual decision to use a toy baby to stand in as the former suga BABE. (ahhhhhh, it’s just clicked!)

Verne then jumped from behind the Camera to do a weird cameo which ended in him sat in a high chair and deciding to do the freaking out like a baby impression which sounded as though he did this regularly.
It was really weird and very like a baby, but with wrinkles and facial hair!?

Verne didn’t stop there with his weirdness as later when re-inacting his pissed up antics of the other night, decided to us the baby doll Mutya to perform a super scary snogging re-inactment!
But Verne that didn’t actually happen now did it? and yet your sucking the face off that plastic doll!
Lot’s of concern looks and nervous laughter from the rest of his housemates as he man handled this poor defenseless Tiny Tears.
Hence, several complaints to Channel 4 today!

Ben finally felt it was time to take the piss out of Michelle and the whole BenChelle saga, by implying that she’d miss his flirting if she were to leave tonight. Much to Tommy’s enjoyment!
(Pity Tommy can’t entertain me in the slightest, god that man is boring.)

Two other micro tasks of mention was Coolio and Terry having to cuddle until further notice! This in the end went on for quite some time with Coolio really not digging this very non macho setup and Terry only adding to Coolios uncomfort by pretending to like it a bit too much.

Finally Latoya was forced to repeat everything that her housemates came out with! A golden opportunity to make another Jackson family member announce that they liked sleeping with kids, missed here!

The most this gormless bunch could produce was from MH again!
” I’m dying for a poo”

Where’s the likes of Avid Merion and Sacha Baron Cohen when you need them!

Verne finally finishes filming and handed in the camera for editing and before long the Celebs are all sat around the Television in their glad rags. And just as ‘The Oracle’ - Michelle Heaton had predicted, the film came to a sudden end and with it so did Ms Heatons time in the house. She looked a little gutted to be going, so much so that she nearly forgot to say goodbye to Latoya as she nervously bumbled her way to the exit.

After Michelles eviction what became of poor Ben? Well he did go into the diary room and mention that he felt that he has nobody to talk to now as he doesn’t really fit in with the lads. Although quick to point out they didn’t make him feel unwanted but he just didn’t click with any of them and purposely distanced himself from them whenever Coolio would walk the fine line of decency.

Coolio also took to the Diary Room and actually stated that he was gutted Michelle had gone and that he felt sorry for Ulrika.
(I just wanted to grab him by his graying braids as scream don’t feel too sorry for her, she’s fucked off to bed early because she can’t stand any of you.)

The day’s events end with the housemates sat round pretending to hold fake eviction interviews, which was very funny to watch as Terry and Verne both pushed their jokes to the point of serious and Ben and Coolio respectively weren’t sure how to take the abuse.

Another average day in the life of the housemate really!

‘BenChelle’ Controversey In Celebrity Big Brother House

Terry Christian isn’t mincing his words in the Big Brother house,
after the previous nights confession about Ulrika’s ”high
handed” behaviour he started day ten by addressing the situation
again, asking Ulrika if she was in a strop? After a brief
conversation in which Terry broke the original awkwardness with some
laughter things appeared to be diffused a little between him Ulrika,
but the motor mouth manc couldn’t leave it there and followed this up
with, ”I do think that you think you’re better than everyone else
though.” Boom, straight into the show, a show that Coolio didn’t
even dominate!

As the witches sat around the cauldron, and condemned Terry, is
Michelle being dragged into Tina and Ulrika’s clique? As the girls
offered words of support for Ulrika, Terry received some words of
support in the shape of Coolio, ”She dislikes you as much as she
dislikes me, she aint ever gonna forgive you”.

It appears paranoia is setting in too for some house mates, the
revelations that people had been talking about voting seems to have
left Latoya on edge. When discussing who she has bonded with she
struggled to mention anyone, and focussed more on not being able to
trust people, and that’s why she doesn’t have friends outside her
family. She speculated that there is a lot of eye talk going on in
the house and that Ulrika is playing a game, she claims she wants to
be voted out, but Latoya isn’t convinced, Latoya’s a Big Brother
veteran already, she’s rather clued up for a Jackson. Ulrika isolated
herself for most part of the day, whether that was to become more
boring so she is voted out or is she just  licking her wounds?
Well you know what they say, a wounded animal is the most dangerous.

Is it just me or is foul mouthed Tina ‘f**k**g’ Malone not all she
cracked up to be? I was expecting this dog to have a bite but there
is barely a bark. Granted she’s loud as hell but not once has she
confronted Coolio and she wasn’t as forthcoming to Terry as she’s
making Ulrika believe, she only seems brave when she’s sat on her bed
bitching with Ulrika. Eating her toe nails prompted my flat mate to
declare her the ”most vile human being on earth” harsh but at the
time it did seem fair.

As Tina made up English history for Latoya in the bathroom, the
‘World War Two’ knowledge was worrying, (nearly as bad as Ulrika
saying that if the Queen dies Charles becomes heir to the throne) the
conversation soon turned to BenChelle. Latoya asked, ”Have
you noticed two people are in love in here?” the two ladies
condemned the young ”friends” Latoya claiming ”they don’t know”
and that ‘’she is madly in love with him and he knows but is
playing it cool”. The two confirmed this would just be between
them two, and everyone watching.

Cut to Ben Adams and Michelle arm wrestling in the living room,
Michelle Heaton’s breasts slumped on the footrest as sly Tina
says, ”Ben will win, cos Michelle will succumb to him” and
then, ”She’s giving it all and he doesn’t care” this
insinuation was clocked by Michelle and Tina was quick to pretend she
was joking, if only Michelle knew that her friend Tina was dong twice
the damage Coolio could ever do to her relationship outside the
house.

The English test was quite funny, Verne as a Beefeater and Coolio
wearing a kilt were sublime touches and the electric shocks not
enough for big brother but Lycra outfits to boot, all in all
beautiful and funny TV, especially the last shock when no-one
expected it, fun for all the family until Tina exclaimed, ”I’m gonna
piss all over the floor”. The electric shocks must of tired people
out because it was an early night in the Celebrity Big Brother house,
not before Coolio managed to upset BenChelle again, prompting Ben to
finally grow some balls and voice off, in the privacy of the diary
room! Moaning how he hates loud people and claiming he is not
attracted to Michelle, ”It’s more friendship.”

The two faced swede who’d previously gossiped about Ben and Heaton
was on hand to offer support to the couple, saying its fine them
being friends, even though moments early she had been stoking Tina’s
fire by saying Ben was the spit of husband Andy Scott Lee!

Quote of the day was a close run thing between Coolio’s rubbish
poem, rap to big brother, and Tina’s emission to Terry, but Tina wins
hands down, after Terry’s suggestion that the younger ones would be
more interesting if it wasn’t for the oldies who are taking over the
house like him, Ulrika, Tommy, Coolio and Tina, suggesting they don’t
get a look in with these personalities, to which Tina replied,
”Because you and Coolio don’t shut up.” Pot, Kettle, T**t.

Is there love blossoming in the house?

With speculation mounting what do you think about Ben and
Michelle, personally i’m keeping my eyes on Terry and Coolio after
Terry’s admission that he loves the C man.