Jackson and Sheridan Evicted From The Celeb Big Brother House in Double Eviction.

And then there was five! The double eviction left me bewildered, not so much with surprise that Tommy and Latoya are no longer house mates, Tommy was a cert and Latoya is understandable yet unwarranted, but the shock came when hearing the crowd reactions to the remaining house mates! It scares me to hear Ben Adams name cheered!! What is there to cheer, both evictees said that Ben was sweet, a nice guy, we all know that nice guys don’t win and I really hope this one doesn’t.

It looks like Terry, my personal favourite, has done enough to enrage the mob, I know Boo’s are standard but I think his affiliation with Coolio may be detrimental to his chances of taking the title. I’ve personally been writing to channel 4 with regards to these two, and I’m demanding they bring back ”The Word” with Terry and Coolio presenting, they are hilarious together! Seems like Verne, bookies favourite from the start is set to take the title, granted he’s a nice guy who takes on the challenge of his disability great but has he been the most interesting and entertaining house mate?

Last nights show started with Ulrika finally admitting that she would be happy to make the final and that it would in fact make her feel proud. She is clearly enjoying the potential fact that she is loved outside the house, and for the first time last night after a live eviction she didn’t cry when not booted out, practically carrying Latoya to the door and offering Tommy a sympathetic pat on the back respectively. It appears she’s now relishing the challenge of taking on the boys, and with her perceptive awareness of the viewing public maybe she will play the feminist role and take the boys head on in the closing days!? Already playing the victim card, ”If I had a heart attack in the corner I don’t think anyone of them would know.” It was Ulrika don’t forget that caused the original division in the house. I pray she doesn’t win, but with women her age being the majority of the voting public, each night I sleep I cry a little at the thought of Queen Ulrika!

The shopping task had an American theme, due to the Inauguration of Obamma, this meant some fun tasks for the house mates to take on, A pie eating competition for Terry and Ulrika, looked positively disgusting, Ulrika eating a pie with no hands may help with those feminist votes though. Terry and Ulrika failed this task but were the only ones which meant the house mates have a luxury shopping budget for the last three days, surely with so fewer house mates and so much money booze will be in abundance, let the good times role Verne.

Ben and Latoya were given a rodeo task, how fun, they got to mess around on a bucking bronco for the majority of the day, but boring Ben on receiving the task was moaning, even attempting to make that guy banterful is impossible. ”Ben today we are going to give you a million pounds, seven lap dancers a puppy dog and a gun”, still Ben would manage to bore me.

Coolio and Verne took to the road with a route 66 themed bike challenge which saw big brother jump at the chance to dress up/down Verne again! The boys had to do 500 laps of a circuit constructed in the garden, with 74 laps taking an hour and Verne suffering from chronic pain when just walking surely Big Brother may have underestimated the severity of this task causing Verne to literally drop out, much against his will to receive special treatment, awwww bless, how cute. It must have taken Coolio about 4 hours to complete the 500 laps, and I’m sure the fellow contestants were indebted to BB for the break.

Tommy who lets be honest was a boring house mate now, apart from the embarrassing Dad, ‘yo man’ touch shit with Coolio, that stuff was cringe worthy even for Westwood. He had a task of hitting baseballs, which he did with aplomb, there is no doubting his competitive spirit which leads me to think that although he claimed to Davina he wasn’t disappointed to leave, I’m sure in his heart of hearts he would have loved to of won. The needle between him and Ulrika probably the best moments in the house, although he did look good when they dressed him up, and his Latoya impression made me giggle early doors. His parting gift to the house was a Burger and Fries meal for seven after he hit a home run during his challenge.

Oh no, his parting gift was a swipe at America which took a gloss off the inauguration ceremony for the American house mates. After the Americans had requested that they were allowed to watch this life changing moment claiming that no matter if you were black or white it was a massive day for Americans, as Coolio, Latoya and Verne sat on the chair, left to right like a perfect colour scheme for this statement. As the video played Coolio was full of pride, and tears were imminent, a pat on the back from even Ulrika showing the seriousness of this moment, the celebrities fell silent for the best part of half an hour, Coolio sat fist raised a ‘la Jessie James. Then came Tommy bounding in with, ”At long last a president you can be proud of’.” Latoya and Verne incensed by his comments, maybe its for the best that Tommy has gone, cos the next time Verne gets drunk be sure it will come up!

Coolio showed his sensitive side after laughing in front of his fellow squatters, going to the bedroom to cry to himself and later stating to big brother that, ”He’s never felt this way, about a grown man in his life” Maybe fuelling the rumours Tommy was trying to get going with Davina that Coolio was a gay, but Coolio redeemed his manly-ness with a heroic statement, ”…I’d take a bullet for him”.

Tommy maybe shouldn’t be throwing out gay slurs considering his interview consisted of, ”I’ve played football my whole life, I like hanging around with other men.” and that, ”Ben’s a lovely looking guy.”

At this point I would like to lay salute to Latoya, who took on every task with vigour and I think she was great. I don’t think she would of minded staying there for another month and I expect her to have a ten minute slot on the Terry and Coolio show in which she is given a new task every week, there will also be a ten minute slot which involves Verne, a free bar, a donkey and some blow up dolls.

Chow!

Quote of the Day 14: Coolio Classic

Coolio to Verne, ”Hey cous, do you fancy a wrestle?”

Coolio bully or bullied?

As Coolio turns up the heat in the house for a further day, Big Brother finally calls him in as the B word is uttered by more than one or two of the Celeb Big Brother Housemates on Day 14.

Big Brother issued an early morning 2 - day task probably in an attempt to distract Coolio from winding up his fellow house mates and possibly saving their sanity.

The Task consisted of all of the housemates dressing up as life size toys!

Coolio and Tommy were dressed as Toy Cars
They had to go through a make shift car wash where they were squirted with water and foam which will no doubt get to Coolio as that shit just ain’t gangster enough. Think he might have to car jack Tommy to keep his credibility in tact! Having the cars strapped to themselves wore very thin on their patience and the thought of sleeping in them lead Coolio to state that he thought they should tell Big Brother to Fuck Off!

Tina and Terry were Ballerinas in a toy music box.
Terry, making no effort to suck it up, even slipped a bit of nipple for the ladies watchin out there!
Poor Tina’s wasn’t given the luxury of an oversized Tutu to help distract from her love handles either with tight leotards the order of the day for this pairing!

Michelle Heaton and Verne Troyer were given Teddy Bear costumes and were challenged to eat a large tub of Honey in under four hours. With Heaton letting rip with a flurry of bottom burps it looked as though she couldn’t literally couldn’t bear to eat any more and complained that she’d be sick before the 4 hours were up. Verne reminded me of a certain bear from Hamstead Heath exept Chelle didn’t manage to make his tail pop out!

The others had tasks set for the next day.

Ulrika - Pocahontas
LaToya - Toy Solider
Ben - A Dinosaur (Coolio ” Nah he be a Weaksaurus?!?)
Mutya - A Toy Doll

Another rule of the Task involved all of the house mates and was signalled by the noise of Children being played over the speakers. When this happened all of the Celebrity Toys must run into the toy box and keep still.

What most of the mothers in the house did not know is that big brother actually sent in real children to run around the box making a really annoying sound. This of course effected the mothers and they cried for this reminded them of their own noisy kids back home.

Mutya spoke! She has really started to come out of her shell and it’s only taken the best part of 2 weeks! She hissed that Big Brother was making Clowns of them all. However there wasn’t any actual Clowns amoung them, unless MJ had snuck in when those kids were running round screaming???

ANYWAYS!

After the Toy task novelty had started to wear off Coolio started to turn on, the attack that is!  The nominations were broadcasted to the housemate later on in the day. Any the Ladies took a hell of a beating!

Everyone of them bar the pointy nosed playboy pinup, were up for eviction, and not one of them took the news well. Each one putting on a completely transparent “Yes that’s exactly what I wanted to happen face!” with Tina even managing to throw out a rather half hearted air punch of delight.

But there’s a certain facial expression that us humans simply cannot  hide (no matter how much botox has been rammed into their Chevy Chase)
The look that says! Which back stabbing FUCKER doesn’t like me in this room!

This look seems to be accentuated in Celebrities as their ego’s fuel the spasms in their facial muscles making all sorts of wrinkles where wrinkles shouldn’t be!

What followed was a flurry of lame excused from the most effected of the foursome, Tina stated that she didn’t stand a chance of winning as only nice people ever win Big Brother.

Followed by Ulrika stating that being nominated was a doubled edged sword in that she really wanted to go but was still peeved that someone had taken enough of a dislike to her to put her up in the first place!

Coolio breaking the tension with an outburst that Big Brother must have removed him from the list of nominees as a punishment as he expected to be named!

Before resuming normal proceedings by getting up into the faces of Ulrika and Michelle singing that they be taking their asses out of here!

Which lead to the B word being uttered!
First Ulrika and then a teary eyed Michelle calling Coolio, vile, intimidating and a BULLY.

Straight into the Diary Room for Coolio as Big Brother/Producers started to flap as no doubt the phones in the offices started to ring off the hook with complaints directed at Coolios not so cool behaviour.

Only for Coolio to drop the bombshell that he himself was bullied as a child and that there was no way he’d inflict that on another housemate having been mentally scarred by this as a child.

He got the customary slap of the wrist to which he retorted that it was complete bullshit and that he would just have to resort to being completely quiet. He then proceeded to burst out of the Diary Room and announce to the house “Coolio is shutting it down, I’m in my shell, consider me a Turtle!”
Followed by an Elvis like goodbye “Ladies and Gentlemen, Coolio’s personality has left the building”

Next followed a quick word in the ear for Heaton from Big Brother and she was asked if she’d consider talking things over with Coolio, resisting at first but finally smoothing things over - for now!

However Coolio still has it in for Ulrika stating that she doesn’t like him and that she talks about him behind his back. Fighting talk watch this space!

All the while this is going on Verne in his electric cart decide to challenge Tommy dressed as a car, to some sort of fucked up drag race which was mildly amusing.

With Honey still in the pot and with the cars not making it to be washed once already this looks like another lost chance for the celebs to win some much needed Booze and Hot Water!

It’s gonna get very smelly and a dam sight  more dirty in the coming days!

Quote of the: Day 13

Coolio outside in the ashtray speaking to Ben Adams.
Discussion - If all the women in the world had died and you just had to bang one of the girls in the house.

Coolio …” I would hang out with Mutya and maybe on a drunken night, yeh yerr no what I’m saying!”

Keep scything them down to size big man!

Dr. Brantiano Analyses the “BenChelle” theory

Hi Micky Brantiano (remember I’m not that shoe Doctor Lady!)
I’m back again after an extensive look down my microscope at the celebrity lab rats, I’ve hit upon an number of behavioural observations that might go some way to fuelling the imaginary love affair that is BenChelle.

Firstly what is BenChelle?

First noticed by Coolio - the love Doctor!

BenChelle is the outrageous claim that there might be something other than just friendship between Ben Adams and Ms Michelle Heaton.

Coolio put it that they were spending a considerable amount of their time together. (I think Coolio first observed this on the day, when they were placed together as part of a team on a daily task?!? - well observed Coolio.)

Anyways there maybe a reason why Coolio is like a ravenous dog with a big ass bone, on what is quickly becoming this years most contentious subject!

Why??? Because Coolio ain’t getting no lovin’ from the biiatches and I think he’s decided that if the girls won’t put out and show him some hot lovin’, then he’s gonna turn nasty on their asses!

We’ve already seen him turn dirty first with Lucy and now he’s got Miss Heaton is in his line of fire! And boy is he packin’

But lets not brand the man a Bully just yet! Don’t want him taking Jade’s title away from her just yet! Because to be honest the man just might have picked up on something! (other than the sent of pussay!)

You can’t really feel sorry for Heaton. She’s blubbering just a little bit tooooo much and making a little bit more of this, than laid back Ben Adam’s cares too???

So is Heaton trying to cover the fact that maybe just maybe she does have some naughty feelings for sing songwriter - whos worked with Alex from x-factor before anyone else - Ben from A1?

Is Heaton’s hourly face fountains being brought on by a sense of panic, that possible big brothers sinister editing team might actually have caught a few  sideways glances  and maybe even a licking of her lips and perhaps had them craftily cut up into a propaganda video montage backed with the soundtrack from the Love Boat?

Who knows? - well I do of course, because I’m the top doc in da country on dis kinda shinizzle of course!  - 24% of the time anyways!

Yeah fuck it, I’m gonna put my neck on the line and my bogus online bachelors degree with it and say that Michelle might well have a wee crush on Benny boy. Come Friday she might be the happiest girl ever to leave  Celebrity Big Brother as the viewing public will no doubt vote her out for being a big old drama queen.

Let’s hope she thinks it’s because we all hate her for being a cheatin biitch!

My work is done here!

‘BenChelle’ Controversey In Celebrity Big Brother House

Terry Christian isn’t mincing his words in the Big Brother house,
after the previous nights confession about Ulrika’s ”high
handed” behaviour he started day ten by addressing the situation
again, asking Ulrika if she was in a strop? After a brief
conversation in which Terry broke the original awkwardness with some
laughter things appeared to be diffused a little between him Ulrika,
but the motor mouth manc couldn’t leave it there and followed this up
with, ”I do think that you think you’re better than everyone else
though.” Boom, straight into the show, a show that Coolio didn’t
even dominate!

As the witches sat around the cauldron, and condemned Terry, is
Michelle being dragged into Tina and Ulrika’s clique? As the girls
offered words of support for Ulrika, Terry received some words of
support in the shape of Coolio, ”She dislikes you as much as she
dislikes me, she aint ever gonna forgive you”.

It appears paranoia is setting in too for some house mates, the
revelations that people had been talking about voting seems to have
left Latoya on edge. When discussing who she has bonded with she
struggled to mention anyone, and focussed more on not being able to
trust people, and that’s why she doesn’t have friends outside her
family. She speculated that there is a lot of eye talk going on in
the house and that Ulrika is playing a game, she claims she wants to
be voted out, but Latoya isn’t convinced, Latoya’s a Big Brother
veteran already, she’s rather clued up for a Jackson. Ulrika isolated
herself for most part of the day, whether that was to become more
boring so she is voted out or is she just  licking her wounds?
Well you know what they say, a wounded animal is the most dangerous.

Is it just me or is foul mouthed Tina ‘f**k**g’ Malone not all she
cracked up to be? I was expecting this dog to have a bite but there
is barely a bark. Granted she’s loud as hell but not once has she
confronted Coolio and she wasn’t as forthcoming to Terry as she’s
making Ulrika believe, she only seems brave when she’s sat on her bed
bitching with Ulrika. Eating her toe nails prompted my flat mate to
declare her the ”most vile human being on earth” harsh but at the
time it did seem fair.

As Tina made up English history for Latoya in the bathroom, the
‘World War Two’ knowledge was worrying, (nearly as bad as Ulrika
saying that if the Queen dies Charles becomes heir to the throne) the
conversation soon turned to BenChelle. Latoya asked, ”Have
you noticed two people are in love in here?” the two ladies
condemned the young ”friends” Latoya claiming ”they don’t know”
and that ‘’she is madly in love with him and he knows but is
playing it cool”. The two confirmed this would just be between
them two, and everyone watching.

Cut to Ben Adams and Michelle arm wrestling in the living room,
Michelle Heaton’s breasts slumped on the footrest as sly Tina
says, ”Ben will win, cos Michelle will succumb to him” and
then, ”She’s giving it all and he doesn’t care” this
insinuation was clocked by Michelle and Tina was quick to pretend she
was joking, if only Michelle knew that her friend Tina was dong twice
the damage Coolio could ever do to her relationship outside the
house.

The English test was quite funny, Verne as a Beefeater and Coolio
wearing a kilt were sublime touches and the electric shocks not
enough for big brother but Lycra outfits to boot, all in all
beautiful and funny TV, especially the last shock when no-one
expected it, fun for all the family until Tina exclaimed, ”I’m gonna
piss all over the floor”. The electric shocks must of tired people
out because it was an early night in the Celebrity Big Brother house,
not before Coolio managed to upset BenChelle again, prompting Ben to
finally grow some balls and voice off, in the privacy of the diary
room! Moaning how he hates loud people and claiming he is not
attracted to Michelle, ”It’s more friendship.”

The two faced swede who’d previously gossiped about Ben and Heaton
was on hand to offer support to the couple, saying its fine them
being friends, even though moments early she had been stoking Tina’s
fire by saying Ben was the spit of husband Andy Scott Lee!

Quote of the day was a close run thing between Coolio’s rubbish
poem, rap to big brother, and Tina’s emission to Terry, but Tina wins
hands down, after Terry’s suggestion that the younger ones would be
more interesting if it wasn’t for the oldies who are taking over the
house like him, Ulrika, Tommy, Coolio and Tina, suggesting they don’t
get a look in with these personalities, to which Tina replied,
”Because you and Coolio don’t shut up.” Pot, Kettle, T**t.

Is there love blossoming in the house?

With speculation mounting what do you think about Ben and
Michelle, personally i’m keeping my eyes on Terry and Coolio after
Terry’s admission that he loves the C man.

Crazy Coolio in Celebrity Big Brother Meltdown

It all started so well for Coolio in last nights episode laying down some of his best work as the Gangsta’ Rapper filed fellow housemate Latoya Jacksons’ nails. The big man worked some good angles, as he lay and doted on her,  saying, ”I hope your boyfriend won’t be mad if he see’s this” a line previously used on Ulrika, Mutya, Lucy, Michelle and Tommy and Big Brother. Innocent Latoya replied ”I don’t have a boyfriend” before realising Coolio’s game. He then spent the next five minutes trying to convince Latoya that he wasn’t a He-slag and that he was getting old and wants to settle down. The best line surely,

Coolio: ”Ive got six kids but not all by different women.”

Latoya: ”How many, two?”

Coolio: ”No, four.”

As he proceded to explain what spooning meant to an inqusitive Latoya (ex playboy centerfold).

The Celebrities were then given a food budget task to complete over the next few days, which saw the group being paired off to work together as a team, and Big Brother did some of its best work. The pairing of Michelle and Ben as a celebrity couple was cheeky, but expected. The threesome of Tina Malone, Coolio and Lucy Pinder was naughty. Putting them in a situation in which they have to stay awake for 24 hours in a confinde space was ingenius. Surely Tina and Coolio would come to blows? Tina’s been very vocal about how she doesn’t like Coolio!?

But it was Lucy Pinder who cracked with the tireless Coolio. Coolio’s alter ego Jeffery Franklin Roosevelt Bodaine!? The most annoying phrase ever! saw Lucy crack and she hit the rapper with some brutal home truths. In response to Coolio asking Mutya Buena to hit Lucy for him and other remarks that were centered around physical abuse to women Lucy said, ”Your doing your daughters proud”  which seem to anger Coolio slightly but Pinder didnt stop there and contiuned with your, ”The most annoying person I’ve ever met”.

I must admit as one of Coolio’s early fans he was being a cock! But he later claimed to Big Brother that he was just testing people and that Pinder ”…would do anything to get away from me right now.” With Pinder favourite to go Tonight surely this will only fuel Coolio’s behaviour!? He’s already told Big Brother he expects to win, somehow I think he maybe slightly deluded.

Tina Malone is officially the filthiest women in the world, her mouth is dirtier than 16th century chimney sweep, in her task as a papparazzi she said the word ”fuck” about twenty times and that was just trying to get up to photograph guest celebs something Tommy seemed to be becoming increasingly unimpressed with! She then embarssingly called  fellow shameless cast member by her charachter name!? And then brutally embarssed page 3 Michelle Marsh by asking who the fuck Michelle Marsh was to Lucy Pinder, her glamour model mate.

The tasks given to Terry and Mutya, and Ulrika and Verne were the funniest, although something about dressing Verne up and making him sing did feel abit wrong, but maybe I’m reading to much into it. The guy seems so nervous when performing I’m amazed that he is an actor.

Seems to me that Terry Christian must be an early favourite to win the show, he’s funny, cheeky and he doesn’t take himself to seriously, essential when participating in Big Brother!?

Who do you think will go tonight? Who should win? What do people think of Coolio? and who are your early favourites?

Let me know your thoughts people!

Celebrity Big Brother 2009.