Will this years Celebrity Big Brother go off with a bang?

So the programme starts tonight, and the closer we get the more apparent it becomes that the juicy rumours of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown may not come to fruition, probably didn’t want the bobster threaten to shoot his ex missus after the controversy of Jade ”KKK” Goody leading to the cancellation of this epic abomination that we all love and hate in equal measure. My mouth did salivate at the prospect of seeing one of the biggest stars of the nineties on CBB, cos lets be honest there are three reasons for going on the show, and Whitney falls in to all three,

a) Desperation. After a dwindling career, its one last ditch attempt to revamp, or re-invent ones career, and who could blame the likes of Ben Adams!? Com’on, you remember Ben? No, but you remember A1? 90’s boyband? Did a version of Aha’s Take on Me? This guy used to be able to walk in any club up and down the land and pick up an assortment of beauties, now he sits in the stag on a Friday hoping one of the single mums will take a shine to his karaoke charm? Barrymore? Need i say more. (see what I did there), Les Dennis,Leo Sayer,Vanessa Feltz these guys offer the Gold, the bits that make you cringe, the bits that make you actually worry about peoples welfare, the bits that appeal to the sadists amongst you.

b) Ignorance. Whether it be an American star who doesn’t realise exactly the cruelty and self degradation that big brother involves, aka Jermaine Jackson, Dennis Rodman, Jackie Stallone, ( Dont think she realised what her name was or how to use a door though to be fair) Or there is self ignorance, people who believe that they are likeable enough and well known enough to win it, Leo Sayer was guilty of this surely? and then,

c) Delinquent and Disillusional. These are always my favourites, just idiots, their reasons are varied, drug money, political statements, woke up in the chauffeur driven car and walked straight in the house (Donny Tourette). Go through your best bits, your favourite members, the ones you actually want to win and its often these guys, Bez, Donny Tourette.

The rumour mill was busy early doors on this series after being starved for a year and the closer we get to the transmission date the more realistic the contestants become, but we still wait pensively for what lies ahead.

Personally its the Americans that have me salivating most, the big names, Face from A-Team, i nearly wet myself, granted he was the most boring man on television but an 80’s leg-end! Dennis Rodman, this guys like a multi- multi millionaire!? What the f**k was he doing in the house of nutters? This years American big shots that have been banned about are Pamela Anderson, Whitney (so good you need only name once) and also Paris Hilton names have been banned about!? Pam and Whitney are known to have volatile histories with the paparazzi so these guys could stir it up if pushed too far.

But truth of truths, the Yanks expected look more like another instalment of the monstrosity that is the Jackson Family in Latoya. (granted Jermaine was relatively normal, but that was amidst Jade Goody and her fellow NF mates) But more importantly, well at least to me a twenty something bloke growing up, Gangsta’s Paradise Coolio!? This guy had one of the greatest rap number ones in the UK , hardly written about by the media Coolio promises to be entertainment, just check out cooking with Coolio below:

This guys a rank outsider surely? He maybe too much for the prudish Blighty viewers, but personally I’m going to lap it up! Cant wait to see him fighting in the kitchen about how best to cook the chicken!!? Think he may have an eye for the ladies too so Pinder and Heaton may have to stick to wearing their velour trakkies for the majority of the show, just to keep this dog at bay.

Needless to say that Verne ‘Minime’ Troyer will be of interest to some people, not notably because of his vertical impairment, (political correctness at all times on my blog), but more so because of his flutter in the porno industry? I’m sure questions will be asked, probably he’s just a horny mofo? or a desperate money seeking dwarf who has an eye for the high and wild life of the American party scene? Who knows?

We have the usual bit of eye candy that’ll keep the daily smut readers happy, and allow women everywhere the grace of watching it without having the fellas scream for it to go off, but trust me as soon as Heaton, Pinder, and, no i was going to say Jonsson but i had a few beers last night and im feeling rough as it is, but as soon as they’ve gone the boys will be calling for the remote!