Best Celebrity Big Brother Day Yet

Were four days deep and its really getting going now. Last nights show had it all, didn’t it? It appears Coolio is getting on everybody’s nerves in the house now. It all started with the brother just cooking some Coolio Curry Chicken (coming to all major supermarket retailers soon).

Tina who has been rinsing Coolio for incessantly talking and being boring cornered Ulrika on the bed again for 28 minutes, where Ulrika’s monotone ‘yes’, spoke a thousand words. However, Tina fessed up some shock revelations:

Tina, “…wasn’t hit with the beauty stick”. Whatever stick it was they’ve had a right good go at her, maybe a donor kebab stick?
“I can’t control my food intake…theres a skinny bitch inside ov me screaming to get out”. Anyone in the Liverpool area missing a daughter or mother?
Tina can’t understand men who “don’t wanna fuck me”, and how they are “losing out”. All the blokes out there remember, “me be filthy”.

It was up to Terry next to decide which housemate had the least integrity, so he chose to listen to the youngest of the housemates Michelle, Ben and Mutya’s feelings on himself. On hearing the housemate’s answers, all of which complimentary, Terry felt awful. As the rules stated he must now put one of these up for eviction. After deciding that Ben was the least likely to be evicted he chose the wet boyband member.

There was even a shock moment of humility and decency in the house as the celebrities fell silent to hear Verne Troyer’s tails of true A-star celebrity Heath Ledger. Troyer was full of admiration for the deceased actor after working with him on the latest Terry Gilliam film, which sees Colin Farrell, Jude Law and Jonny Depp stepping in to help finish the film, a truly nice and genuine moment.

We then saw La Toya Jackson bombard boyband Ben with her tales of her mad mobster manager marriage (read that again if you struggled). Poor Ben had only gone to the sink to get a glass of water and politely enquired about Jackson’s marital status, when he was regaled with tales of kidnapping, wife beating and false imprisonment, an average day in the life of a Jackson. This adding some drama to an already busy Big Brother.

After humility, bitching and drama came comedy as the housemates paired up and switched roles. It was funny, scathing and in some places bizarre. Key moments included:

Loudmouth Tommy Sheridan speaking softly like La Toya.
Verne as Coolio had some great lines including this one about Coolio’s kids, “they’re great, I just have to punch them every now and again.”
Michelle Heaton and Lucy Pinder tearing into each other which involved Pinder’s boobs receiving lots of attention.
Harshest comment coming from Ulrika whilst pretending to be Ben whatever his second name is, and asked what were his three top 10 hits, she responded “Caught in the Middle, Caught in a Bubble and Caught With a Stick”.

What Best Big Brother Show wouldn’t be complete without some tears. Coolio, was obviously the creator after insinuating earlier in the day that Michelle Heaton and the fella from A1 would be more than just mates, and saying that they would have a fling once they got outside the house. Michelle who had already stated to Big Brother that she was intimidated by Coolio snapped at the gangster rapper, claiming that he was out of order, and later expressing to Big Brother in a teary outburst that he was messing with people’s hearts and minds. She also explained that she didn’t want to bitch maliciously about Coolio, before referencing his, “fucking acid tongue”. When she left the diary room she made Terry, Tommy and Coolio aware that she’d been crying, which concerned the gents apart from Coolio, who just wanted to finish his story about a man and a shotgun.

A classic episode which ended in live streaming of the nominations, and was a cringetastic end to the show as the celebs were enlightened to Terry’s perceptions.