Its Girls Vs Boys in the Celeb Big Brother House

It appears that the house is separate into two camps, and apparently its the men’s fault. After the four girls have been put up for eviction, eviction they all claim they are happy about, there has been an amazing divide within the celebrity big brother house. Tina Malone claims the boys have made it this way and Ulrika claiming that she cant’ bare to share the house with these male ego’s. But this was while sat on their beds bitching, where they seem to spend an awful lot of time? Isn’t this behaviour that has ostracised them from the group? Or is it just Ulrika and Tina are cocks?

Unfortunately I had a late dinner last night, and as I tucked into a lovely Mexican taco, I’m forced to hold it down as Ulrika talks about vaginal plastic surgery and Tina confirms, ‘my holes fine, I could lose a bit  of weight of me fanny’. Serious, as if watching her eat her toenails, pluck her beard and listen to her vile mouth wasn’t enough. I’m never eating again during that show, well at least not until saturday when surely Tina will be a goner!?

With the Oscar’s fast approaching last night saw two last ditch attempts to make the shortlist, Tommy in ‘Sleepy in Setee’ When Tommy’s car wash music went off which meant he was supposed to get up and go through the big brother car wash, Tommy ‘wakes up’, ”Is that the music?”, whilst making no attempt to move.  Coolio and Tommy flat refusal to jump through Big Brothers hoop prompted Terry to call Coolio a pussy, and that Compton wouldn’t be shit without guns, claiming, ‘You could cause a rule of terror with a balloon on a stick”, braver than me! Ulrika then put in an amazing performance in this year epic horror, ‘The Adams Family’, Ben Adams making a great fun task the most boring and rubbish one about, seriously if Michelle goes is there any point in him staying, can we just count them as one entity? He was told to scare one of the housemates, for half an hour he hid behind a sofa, until Ulrika clocked something was a miss and went to find Ben, as she entered the luxury bedroom, Ben literally boo’d her. Ulrika was so scared  she even said, ‘God you frightened me to death, was that your challenge, because god it worked, wow, scary,” He is pathetic.

The food task was failed again, with Coolio and Terry not bothering, and Verne and Michelle forced to eat a jar of hunny in four hours, causing them to throw up, the housemates needed the rest of the guys to pass. This included Tina ‘Im on channel 4 now, I’m not a hasbeen’ Malone and Terry Christian, whose ballet video had get more views than Verne and Ulrikas music video. Earlier in the day Tina claimed because she is in Shameless that more people will watch the video of a fat bird in a leotard than the video of a singing dwarf in a wig. They obviously didn’t, and as soon as they failed she said, ‘I told you, I’m going, told you about 40,000′ No you didn’t!?

Latoya however maxed her task, its got me thinking, condiments on ice, playing the giant piano from big, Michael Jackson covers, Tina’s got some good material building up for a variety show tour!!

Ulrika is breaking, and I urged you again, faithful viewers to keep her in the house, last night saw a discussion with the housemates about food esculate into Ulrika storming of and crying. Verne suggested that Mutya should be allowed to have a say in the shopping budget as she has a specific diet due to her vegetarian requirements. Verne didn’t raise his voice nor did he ”bully” Ulrika, he simply stood his ground about what he believed was right. This made Ulrika crack, and say she hates everyone in the house, and that shes begining to panic about being in there. If she walks the greedy bitch doesn’t get her pay day, and this a woman who suggested that Tina can get free surgery of a magazine if she writes an article about it deserves to have her greedy lot cut. This was the conversation that led to me only half me tea last night!

Get Your Bets On, Get Your Bets On Tommy

The bets are On!

Day 2 in the Big Brother house, and the big brother betting for the first evicte must be underway as Ulrika is the first contestant to be nominated by manc motormouth Terry, surely Ulrika who already looks to be breaking must be the hot favourite big brother housemate to go. Although Christian hasn’t nomiminated yet you could see partner in crime Malone following on the hit list.

Celebrity Big Brother contestants to wear ASBO like tags

Found this cool bit of news from an article on the Daily Star newspaper:

The celebs will be rated each day by numbers in a statistical system similar to that used at football matches to assess players’ performances.

All the data on the tagged BB celebs will be collated daily and the results will be revealed on the Channel 4 and E4 spin-off show Big Brother’s Little Brother every night.

When the celebs get evicted from the house, they will be told what their tag has revealed about them.

A show spokesman said: “The device will bring a new dimension to the show. Housemates voted off may be questioned on their movements in the Big Brother house based on the information we have derived from the device.

“The tracking system will enable the show’s producers to monitor the movements and habits of the housemates. The programme psychologists will also be able to interpret the behaviour.”

The shrinks will monitor the information recorded from the tracking devices.

They will be looking to see if anyone appears lonely for long periods of time and it will alert producers if they think anyone is cracking up.

And producers will also be working out if any potential romances are forming, based on the amount of time celebs spend with each other.

Showmakers Endemol have enlisted the help of high-tech wizards Wavetrend for the experiment.

They have supplied the tracking system, which will be fitted to the stars’ microphones.

Read the Full Story here

This is going to be soo cool I think we might have to post the scores on the doors on our own site here and see which stars come out top in what sound like fantasy football for celebrities.

Will this years Celebrity Big Brother go off with a bang?

So the programme starts tonight, and the closer we get the more apparent it becomes that the juicy rumours of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown may not come to fruition, probably didn’t want the bobster threaten to shoot his ex missus after the controversy of Jade ”KKK” Goody leading to the cancellation of this epic abomination that we all love and hate in equal measure. My mouth did salivate at the prospect of seeing one of the biggest stars of the nineties on CBB, cos lets be honest there are three reasons for going on the show, and Whitney falls in to all three,

a) Desperation. After a dwindling career, its one last ditch attempt to revamp, or re-invent ones career, and who could blame the likes of Ben Adams!? Com’on, you remember Ben? No, but you remember A1? 90’s boyband? Did a version of Aha’s Take on Me? This guy used to be able to walk in any club up and down the land and pick up an assortment of beauties, now he sits in the stag on a Friday hoping one of the single mums will take a shine to his karaoke charm? Barrymore? Need i say more. (see what I did there), Les Dennis,Leo Sayer,Vanessa Feltz these guys offer the Gold, the bits that make you cringe, the bits that make you actually worry about peoples welfare, the bits that appeal to the sadists amongst you.

b) Ignorance. Whether it be an American star who doesn’t realise exactly the cruelty and self degradation that big brother involves, aka Jermaine Jackson, Dennis Rodman, Jackie Stallone, ( Dont think she realised what her name was or how to use a door though to be fair) Or there is self ignorance, people who believe that they are likeable enough and well known enough to win it, Leo Sayer was guilty of this surely? and then,

c) Delinquent and Disillusional. These are always my favourites, just idiots, their reasons are varied, drug money, political statements, woke up in the chauffeur driven car and walked straight in the house (Donny Tourette). Go through your best bits, your favourite members, the ones you actually want to win and its often these guys, Bez, Donny Tourette.

The rumour mill was busy early doors on this series after being starved for a year and the closer we get to the transmission date the more realistic the contestants become, but we still wait pensively for what lies ahead.

Personally its the Americans that have me salivating most, the big names, Face from A-Team, i nearly wet myself, granted he was the most boring man on television but an 80’s leg-end! Dennis Rodman, this guys like a multi- multi millionaire!? What the f**k was he doing in the house of nutters? This years American big shots that have been banned about are Pamela Anderson, Whitney (so good you need only name once) and also Paris Hilton names have been banned about!? Pam and Whitney are known to have volatile histories with the paparazzi so these guys could stir it up if pushed too far.

But truth of truths, the Yanks expected look more like another instalment of the monstrosity that is the Jackson Family in Latoya. (granted Jermaine was relatively normal, but that was amidst Jade Goody and her fellow NF mates) But more importantly, well at least to me a twenty something bloke growing up, Gangsta’s Paradise Coolio!? This guy had one of the greatest rap number ones in the UK , hardly written about by the media Coolio promises to be entertainment, just check out cooking with Coolio below:

This guys a rank outsider surely? He maybe too much for the prudish Blighty viewers, but personally I’m going to lap it up! Cant wait to see him fighting in the kitchen about how best to cook the chicken!!? Think he may have an eye for the ladies too so Pinder and Heaton may have to stick to wearing their velour trakkies for the majority of the show, just to keep this dog at bay.

Needless to say that Verne ‘Minime’ Troyer will be of interest to some people, not notably because of his vertical impairment, (political correctness at all times on my blog), but more so because of his flutter in the porno industry? I’m sure questions will be asked, probably he’s just a horny mofo? or a desperate money seeking dwarf who has an eye for the high and wild life of the American party scene? Who knows?

We have the usual bit of eye candy that’ll keep the daily smut readers happy, and allow women everywhere the grace of watching it without having the fellas scream for it to go off, but trust me as soon as Heaton, Pinder, and, no i was going to say Jonsson but i had a few beers last night and im feeling rough as it is, but as soon as they’ve gone the boys will be calling for the remote!